First Update in a Long Time

I sort of forgot this thing existed. I have a lot of free time these days, so I think I'll update it with a little more regularity.

The real fucking quandary with these blogs is that they initially seem to be a sort of ultra-personal internet outlet for whatever sort of mediocre strife that the average upper-middle class, overly- bearded, white-bred, Northeast pseudo-intellectuals who frequent them may have. But, as one endeavors to craft some wordy, impressive rendering of their rather unimpressive day, the reality sets in that these things are just private enough to encourage such notions, but just public enough (you're actually reading this, admit it) to prohibit any truthfulness.

Next, I find vanity takes hold, and these things are reduced to thesaurus-guided shitrags detailing unheard of records or trips to places that seem impressive (art museums, concerts in basements, etc.), or worst of all, incredibly cryptic description of some emotional event that would probably be worthwhile to read about, but the author thinks the person it involves will also read. This, naturally, leads to the author making the post just vague enough so that it perplexes the few readers it gets. But, if by some chance, the person it involves should stumble upon it, they would instantly know it was about them. That is, of course, the author's true intention.

I promise this blog have all of the aforementioned qualities, and them some. Note the artsy title and faggish, all-lowercase signature.

be easy,
ryan

10/14/2009

Getting pretty bored with the hamster wheel of public education lately. No time to read, write, create with all this schoolwork. I've slacked off drawing, practicing piano, and reading what I see fit, which are all things I promised myself I wouldn't let fall to the wayside once school began. I haven't found five minutes to visit the library. I was starting to photograph again, but I simply don't have the time.
Time management is one of my strong points. I started work on a solo project, using the same moniker I've used since probably the eighth grade because creating a new myspace page is a pain in the ass. I recorded an intro track but I'm fairly disappointed with how it came out. I wrote an intro in Theory class the other day that I much prefer which will most likely replace the one I recorded.
I really hope I don't fail my driver's test next Friday. I have to play a show at Manhattanville College on Saturday and if I can't drive there its going to be a shitstorm. My friends are coming home from college for a party next Saturday. My life is so uninteresting

9/22/09

Regularity is a double-edged sword. I think one of the most unexplored, yet one of the most interesting, human internal conflicts is that of the boredom of sameness versus the safety of routine. Everyone years for adventure, but doesn't want to relinquish the protected cove of their daily lives.

I find myself struggling with this conflict all the time. I feel the need to do something drastic, but lack the ambition to do so, or at least I've always attributed it to a lack of ambition, in reality I think everyone fears change. Then again change is not a word I like to use to freely. I feel like I am in a phase of constant transition: youth to adult, sin to redemption, whatever the transition is, every stage of life is a transition to another. I really like the idea of life being a river, ever flowing, unyielding, yet fluid. I ponder whether the river ever leads to the sea.

Maybe more so than a river, life is a never-ending tour. Sometimes you play a good show, but the crowd is small. Sometimes you play a shitty set to a large crowd. Sometimes you miss the show. Sometimes the pigs shut the show down. Anyway, you just have to keep truckin' on.

Man I really love the Grateful Dead. This post is going nowhere fast. I really thought I had a logical train of thought going, but it just turned into corny extended analogies. Thats okay though.

9/21/09

I've fallen into a very rhythmic way of life lately. I've been trying to cut the excesses from life to find balance, and I've lived in excesses for a very long time. There is a definite rhythm to life, a sort of unwavering river of energy, that exists even in this dark corner of New Jersey. Lately all I do is read, play music, draw, and drink coffee. I've been reading about Taoism lately, pardon the inaccuracy of the Western terminology. The thing that fascinates me most is the idea of wu wei, or, inaction. Inaction has negative connotations to most churchgoing Christians who would label it as naught but idleness, but in reality it is not sloth, but rather action through inaction.

The idea of action through inaction, despite its simplicity, is such a fundamental requirement for happiness in my opinion. The idea is to approach a task with ease rather than with anguish and emotionalism. I discovered a good practical explanation of this when I was chopping wood this weekend. A seemingly meaningless and arduous task, I find it much easier, and can even find solace in doing it, when I approach it with ease.

In the past I've chopped wood by channeling all of my aggression and frustration into every swing of the maul. This method, although seemingly powerful, left me exhausted and very void filling. This weekend when it was time to split wood, I concentrated more on feeling the maul, and letting it easily swing down in a flowing method. Much to my astonishment I split logs more efficiently and with much less exhaustion then I previously had. I felt that I was channeling the unwavering river of the Tao into every swing.

I hope to use this page as not just mindless ramblings but to post art, music, literature, I enjoy also. I saw of Montreal in the city on Friday, great experience. The venue, Terminal 5 was really nice, security was a little tight for my liking, but nonetheless a good place. Musically the band was incredibly tight, even with the integration of live electronics the transitions were really smooth. Granted I'm not sure if they play the same set every night, it was pleasurable. The thing that was really impressive was the visual aspect of the performance. Symbolic characters/imagery littered the stage during there set, from presumably Catholic priests wearing pig masks to the dysfunctional American families portrayed, I really got a fucking kick out of what went on while they played. It was interesting, but not overly distracting, which is a hard balance to find in a glam rock band.